For Mindfulness on Thursday we listened to a CD by Marsha Linehan called “Mindfulness in 3’s”. This exercise is a way of opening AND focusing the mind. You begin by focusing only on your breath for 2-3 breaths, then you expand your awareness to your breath and now your hands for 2-3 breaths. The third and final step is to expand your awareness to your breath, hands, and all the sounds around you. Continue your expanded awareness for at least 10 breaths.

On Monday, we had a client read a poem by an unknown author and we “mindfully” ate chocolate covered cherries.

You can access the poem here: http://ojar.com/view_18054.htm

This poem is a really good example of how we use “apparent competence” in our interactions with those we are in relationships with. The current Module Interpersonal Effectiveness helps us to balance our relationships, our priorities, our wants and shoulds, and to learn mastery in our lives so we can break the cycle of helplessness.

As we move forward into “attending to relationships”, we must start tracking our interactions with those around us. Specifically those that we have close relationships with. There are 3 types of interactions that take place, for the next week try and track the reasons for your interactions. You may want to choose one person in particular, perhaps one of the people you have listed in your relationships to attend to., or all 3.

Objective - When you want/need something from someone. This includes emotional wants/needs like wanting to be heard or validated by another person.

Relationship - When you want to keep a good relationship with the person. This includes learning about them, their likes and dislikes, and doing things for them.

Self-respect - This interaction is often where you need to say “no” to the other person. This is because what they are asking you for goes against your own values and causes you to give up your own self-respect. It is important to feel mastery in your relationships.

For people suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is very common to put too much effort into the relationship interactions, neglect your own needs (objective interactions), and sacrifice your own self-respect. It is very important to keep a balance among the 3 types of interactions. In the following groups we will discuss how to have effective interactions among all 3 types and how to balance them so that you do not have to neglect and sacrifice yourself anymore.

Today we read a poem/quote for Mindfulness…

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humainized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This excerpt is a good glimpse into the next module: Interpersonal Effectiveness. Its a reminder that we are the ones in control of our emotions and our relationships. When we lose sight of ourselves, we become vulnerable in our relationships. When this happens its good to go back to “observe” and gain some awareness of self. Then we can learn to use the next set of skills to find our voice in relationships, learn how to disagree with others, and to say “no” when we should. This way we don’t let hurts and problems build up and become unmanageable.

Refer to Thursday’s group topics as you move forward with this module by following this link:

http://www.lilaccenter.org/wordpress/archives/62

These simple exercises will help to prepare for the skills ahead.

Introduction to Interpersonal Effectiveness Module (pg 115)

Things that will be covered in this module include:

Attending to Relationships, Balancing Priorities vs Demands, Balancing the Wants vs Shoulds, and Building Mastery and Self-Respect.

Take some time to jot down 3 important relationships that you are (or are not) attending to, 3 priorities, 3 of your wants/shoulds, and log anytime in the next week that you feel helpless or overly dependent.

Here are some examples to help you along.

Relationships: Significant other, children, and parents.

Priority: Graduate from school. Related demands: Go to class, study, and write papers.

Wants/Should: I want to go out and party, but I should stay home and study.

Helplessness: I have so much to do for school that I don’t even know where to begin.

I share a letter that a client wrote her husband. It’s here commitment to stay alive and stay in the relationship. It’s her first step in repairing past wounds and working on trying to have the deep meaningful relationship she wants. I hope those of you who are struggling with pain in your relationships find it inspirational.

WiseMind Episode 2 - Client Letter

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This type of therapy is centered around helping when you try to apply logical thought to intense emotional reactions and dialectical dilemmas develop. It doesn’t always make sense to apply a logical thought pattern to emotional stimulus because you often find an invalidating response internally and makes the misery of the emotion intensify. Instead practice behaviors that reduce the emotional intensity.

WiseMind Episode 1 - Dialectical Dilemmas

A University of Missouri psychology professor discovers a genetic link to Borderline Personality Disorder that could help with prevention efforts and ultimately treatment.

Welcome to the introduction episode of WiseMind, the DBT podcast. This episode introduces Amy Tibbitts, director of the Lilac Center. Amy speaks of her success of using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Episode 00-Introduction

Visit the Lilac Center for additional information on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and how this treatment can help those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.