How to Support Someone in DBT Therapy

When someone you care about begins Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), it often means they are working hard to understand their emotions, build healthier coping skills, and create more stability in their life. DBT is powerful, but it’s also challenging. The person in therapy may be learning new skills, unlearning old patterns, and navigating emotional ups and downs.

Your support can make a meaningful difference in their healing process. Here are gentle, effective ways to support someone in DBT therapy.

1. Understand What DBT Is (and Isn’t)

DBT is a structured therapy that teaches four core skill areas:

· Mindfulness

· Distress Tolerance

· Emotion Regulation

· Interpersonal Effectiveness

It focuses on balancing acceptance with change. It is not about fixing someone, forcing positivity, or expecting instant improvement.

Learning the basics of DBT helps you offer support without misunderstanding the process.

2. Validate Their Feelings Instead of Trying to “Fix” Them

Validation is one of the most powerful forms of support. It means acknowledging their experience without judgment.

Examples of validating statements:

· “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

· “That sounds really hard.”

· “Your feelings make sense.”

· “I’m here with you.”

Validation calms the nervous system, reduces defensiveness, and strengthens connection. You don’t have to solve the problem—just show that you care.

3. Encourage Skill Use (Gently, Not Forcefully)

DBT skills help people cope with distress and regulate emotions, but using them in real time can be difficult. Instead of telling them what they “should” do, try a softer approach.

For example:

· Instead of “Use your skills!”, try “Would any of your DBT skills feel helpful right now?”

· Instead of “Calm down,” try “Do you want a moment to breathe or ground yourself?”

Gentle encouragement respects their autonomy and supports empowerment.

4. Practice Your Own Mindfulness and Regulation

Your emotional state can affect theirs. If you stay calm and grounded, you help create a stable environment.

This might look like:

· taking a slow breath before responding

· keeping your tone gentle

· pausing instead of reacting

· noticing your own triggers

Supporting someone else is easier when you’re aware of your own emotional limits.

5. Respect Their Boundaries and Progress

DBT is personal work. Some people want to talk about their therapy sessions; others don’t.

Ways to respect boundaries:

· Don’t pressure them to share details.

· Avoid comparing their progress to your expectations.

· Allow them to take breaks or step away when emotions rise.

Healing is not linear—patience goes a long way.

6. Offer Practical Support When Needed

DBT can be emotionally taxing. Small acts of care can help, such as:

· checking in

· offering a calm space

· helping with daily tasks during tough weeks

· going on a grounding walk together

Emotional support is important, but practical support matters too.

7. Celebrate Small Wins With Them

DBT teaches that small changes add up. When you notice progress, acknowledge it.

Examples:

· “I’m proud of how you handled that.”

· “I can see how hard you’re working.”

· “That was a big step.”

Encouragement reinforces their motivation and boosts confidence.

8. Know That You Don’t Have to Be Their Therapist

You can support someone you love—but you don’t have to take on the role of therapist, caretaker, or emotional fixer. It’s okay to set boundaries for your own well-being.

Statements like:

· “I care about you, and I think this is something to bring to your therapist,” are supportive and appropriate.

9. Remember That DBT Is a Journey, Not a Quick Fix

People in DBT are often learning new skills for the first time. Building emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and communication takes time and practice.

Offering patience, compassion, and understanding helps them stay committed to their healing process.

You Can Be a Supportive Part of Their Healing

Supporting someone in DBT doesn’t require expertise—just presence, patience, and understanding. When you validate their feelings, respect their boundaries, and encourage their growth, you help create a stronger foundation for both their healing and your relationship.

If you or someone you care about needs additional support, Lilac Center is here to help.

Reach out today to learn more about DBT or schedule a session.